Bear Ranking: August 10, 2010

1. Grizzly Bear tops the list this week after an impressive hunting session at the creek. “It didn’t start off all that well,” said Grizzly Bear, “but I made some adjustments and by the end of the day it was like the salmon were jumping right down my throat. I was really in the zone.” Hitting peak form this week, look for Grizzly Bear to maintain his momentum heading into August.

2. Good fortune for the Northern Canadian Bruin this week puts her in our second spot. She was able to feed her cubs for a week after coming across a pack of coyotes that had killed a deer. “It was pretty fresh,” she said, “There were three, maybe four of them and they didn’t really protest. They took it down right before I moved in, so I just kind of threw my body in there, tried to make something happen. Sometimes you just get good bounces and hopefully I can take that and roll with it.” Hampered by the cubs all summer, look for fortune to work against the Bruin next week. Coyotes continue to take up the easier kills, and statistics suggest she’ll be forced to the mountains by week's end.

3. Black Bear comes in at number three this week after another week of sitting in the field eating berries. “Consistency.” said Black Bear. “The season’s still young and I’m on a good pace.” Look for Black Bear’s ability to climb trees to be a factor in the second half, and with the camping season in full swing, he’s a perennial threat to lead the rankings in territorial maulings.

4. Polar Bear remains in the basement. In what is close to being a lost season, however, he’s not ready to blame the steady death knell that is the thawing of the arctic sea: “Say what you will, you know, these things happen. I still have to go out there and perform. These harp seals aren’t going to just kill themselves. I can’t sit here and make excuses.”